sometimes robots just get me.

UPS Robot Lady: You can say "Track another package" or "More choices."

Me: More choices!

UPS Robot Lady: OK. You can say, "Send a package," "Shipping info," or "Order supplies."

Me:

UPSRL: I'm sorry. I didn't get that. You can say, "Send a package," "Shipping info," or "Order supplies."

Me:

UPSRL: I'm sorry. I still didn't get that. You can say, "Send a package," or press 1, "Shipping info," or press 2, or "Order supplies," or press 3.

Me: I WANT TO TALK TO A FUCKING LIVE PERSON.

UPSRL: Ok. I'll transfer you to an agent now.

conversations i have had recently with mike

conversation #1
A: I'm sorry i've been so bellicose and pugnacious today. [Pause.] Do you know what "bellicose" and "pugnacious" mean?
M: Yes, Amy. I'm not retarded.
A: I wasn't saying that. I was just saying that your...
M: That my what? That my vocabulary is somehow deficient?
A: Um, I was just saying that you're really good at math.

conversation #2
A: So if you were a Congressman...
M: I'm not gay, if that's what you're getting at.